|Great-Grandmother & the cousins|
It’s been a summer filled with therapy appointments, film school for the oldest and not enough physical activity for the youngest. It’s been a summer filled with doubts, barely enough income and a garden that just didn’t hold my interest. It’s been a summer of trials and patience testing.
It’s been a season of new beginnings and also endings. I lost my ideal work-from-home content manager job. I started a freelance writing business and struggled through the first few months to get the website off the ground and my first few clients found and sold on hiring me.
My baby is starting Kindergarten in three weeks. This makes me laugh (with a giddy kind of crazy people giggle) and cry (the deep sobbing of a mother’s achingly devoted heart). My oldest is starting fourth grade; hopefully better equipped to handle social interactions on the playground and self-management in the classroom after months of therapy (both occupational and behavioral).
I taught the boys how to do laundry this summer, from loading the washer to folding socks and everything in between. I wrote two eBooks in between Lego fights and trampoline injuries. I doubted my sanity and embrace crazy. I sort of took the month of May off, to figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up. I desperately missed having season passes to Roaring Springs and so did my two little water babies.
I drove to Featherville, Idaho, by myself for the first time, and didn’t get lost. I watched the stars with my husband at 4:00 am from a spot just outside our tent, up in the mountains where you can still see the stars. I watched my five year old jump on his cousin’s bike and ride around our campground with no training wheels for the first time.
I held a precious tiny baby girl with painted toenails, my cousin’s first born. I cradled her sleeping baby body and sniffed her sweet baby scent, kissing her delicate baby hair. I held my little Squishy, the boy with the gorgeous eyes and wild brown hair, another cousin’s first born. I packed him around, showing him the hustle and bustle of family reunion and sang him to sleep in my arms.
I’m not sure how much more heart ache and jubilee I can take in one season. I watch Madness and Mayhem argue and wrestle and just as suddenly laugh and play together like best friends. Madness yells his feelings, anxious and angry. Mayhem hops around like a monkey, laughing and taunting. (He’d throw poop if he thought he could get away with it.) I love them both unconditionally and want to strangle them too.
I am ready for school to start.